Lately, I’ve realized how much pressure I have been putting on myself to fit this mold of what it seems that I “should be”. I hate how I constantly compare myself to others, comparing myself to all the success in their lives while I feel as if I’m sittin’ here accomplishing nothing. I really need to stop being in this mindset. What I should focus on, is doing me. Follow my passions, go with the flow… do things as the opportunities present themselves. I need to stop comparing myself to anyone but myself, I need to keep believing that things will naturally happen for me, and I need to be content with where I am in life. As a genius 13 year old emphasizes in his Ted Talk about “Hackschooling”, I need to just focus on being happy and the rest will follow.
Next week is going to be interesting. I have four midterms, one project, one quiz, and one homework assignment to finish. If it was me last year, I would be freaking the fuck out. For some reason, however, I am oddly calm. Maybe I have finally learned to control my stress levels. Maybe my choice to slow down and smell the flowers is actually helping. Maybe I’m just not at that point yet, and I’m going to have a major break down next week, haha. Whatever it is, I’m just chillen’ right now. Hopefully next week goes well. All I know is that once my Friday midterm is over, I’m fucking celebrating.
My whole life I’ve always made more long lasting friendships with males than I do with females. I don’t know why! Maybe it’s because have always been a tomboy at heart. Today wasn’t any different, as I celebrated my birthday with seven of my closest guy friends, all of whom I’ve known since the elementary or middle school days. Because I am the only girl in the group, I do sometimes feel left out or out of place, but last night was not one of those nights. Last night reminded me that no matter how out of place I sometimes feel, my friends truly do love me and care about me.
I planned a dinner at a nice Greek restaurant in Los Gatos to celebrate my birthday. I didn’t expect much, just the usual hang out with the guys, but in a slightly nicer setting where we dressed up a little less bummy than usual. A lot of unexpected things happened though. First was when Jesse insisted on paying for my dinner. He said that I shouldn’t have to pay for my own dinner at my own birthday dinner, which was super sweet. Later on after food, I went to use the restroom real quick. It was probably the span of 3 minutes that I was away, and the guys surprised me by telling the waitress that it was my birthday. Upon returning from the bathroom, the waitress appeared with a dessert with a candle on top and all the guys began singing my Happy Birthday. It was so sweet.
After dinner, we decided to walk around Los Gatos since it is pretty beautiful at night. We stopped at a random coffee shop and met the nicest store worker ever. She had the best service and was super patient even though they were close to closing. She taught us about the process of roasting coffee beans, introduced us to the various teas and chocolates the shop offered, and even gave us each a handful of delicious chocolate coffee beans to sample. Chris insisted on buying me a burlap sack because there were pictures of cats having fun with them inside the store. It was such a Chris gift to give and I greatly appreciated it, even though I probably won’t ever use the burlap sack for much. Hopefully my cat does use it as a bed at some point!
The night was topped off with a hang out session at Chris’s house. We did our usual thing; played board games and had chill talks. It was the perfect way to finish off the night since it would probably be our last hang out before break ends and we all go back to college. I truly believe that I am going to be friends with these guys well into our adulthood years.