These last few weeks have been crazy. School has been a roller coaster ride that started with my first under the average midterm grade. It’s bad, but I am not used to being anything lower than “above average” and for me to score that low stressed me out waaaaay too much. I knew that I could have done a lot better, but I just completely broke down during the test and literally forgot how to do everything. I began to doubt my own abilities which sounds over dramatic since it is only ONE test out of the dozens I will be taking during my college career. I have a tendency to dwell on one bad mistake. The upside to my obsession of my failures is that it motivates me to work harder than ever. Midterm #2 and #3 for that same class, I got 100% and 96%.
On another note, my accounting class is graded ridiculously. I was 10% above the mean on Midterm #1 and 18% above the mean in Midterm #2, but I barely got by with a B- on midterm #1 and a B+ on midterm #2. Why so competitive?! I am still a little bitter, but I will take my small victories.
Chinese continues to be super easy, probably because I REALLY want to learn how to read/write my own language as well as learn Mandarin. My Cantonese fluency definitely helps as well.
**Update: I went to look over my accounting midterm during office hours. My professor was extremely impressed with my score and asked me if I was considering intermediate accounting. “You should really consider it. You definitely have the skill set for it,” he says. Damn did that feel good. Maybe I really will consider taking intermediate accounting in the future.
About a week ago, my friends and I decided to go to Santa Monica because there was an event called “Glow” happening there. Little did we know that this event was pretty large scale; large scale enough for several streets to be closed off for it. A trip that usually takes 20 minutes on the #1, ended up to a one hour trip on the #2 that led us to a shuttle, that then dropped us off somewhere close to 3rd Street Promenade. That station was pretty sketch by the way… Broken windows, hobos, a rehab center across the street; it was quite interesting.
When we finally got there, we chowed down on some Umami Burger before heading to the pier. There seemed to be so many cool art pieces around, but the lines for everything was long as fuck! I don’t know about the others, but I was pretty disappointed by this point because I expected the event to be a lot cooler. Thankfully, things went uphill from there.
My buddy Jeffrey randomly decided to stick his longboard in the sand and balance his shoes on it because he was “too lazy to carry them”. For some reason, the rest of us (5 others) felt inclined to do the same. Somehow, we managed to successfully stack 6 pairs of shoes on top of a longboard stuck straight into the sands of Santa Monica Beach. We then stood there admiring our creation as people walked by and commented on our artwork. It was funny how many compliments we got, how many random photographers snapped photos of it, and how TWO different people’s exact words were that it would look even cooler if we “set our shoes on fire”. When things became dull, we found our own ways to have fun. To me, those types of nights are the best ones.
It was about a week ago when I finally moved back into my second home at UCLA. I was excited to be back, but also a little reluctant because I did not want to deal with the responsibilities that going back to school gave me. I really did not want to think about having to plan out my future, figuring out how I would get involved at school, and all those things I would have to do if I wanted to one day be “successful”. All that scared me, and at times, I wish that I were back in the good o’ easy days of high school. I really knew my place there. I was the varsity basketball player, the 4.0 student, the scholar athlete… Those days were simple. Now, at a school with thousands of other varsity athletes that were also valedictorians, I feel extremely small.
It has been a year UCLA now and even though I love it and am extremely grateful that I attend such an amazing school, I still have those same yearnings for a sense of purpose. I need to discover or rediscover the things I am passionate about and pursue those interests because only then will I be truly satisfied with myself.